Space in your head...

Living in town for nearly 6months now and decided it is time to move on, having handed in my notice at work it is amazing to see the headspace i am now in. I am seeing town in such a different light, views i have seen time and time again are now somehow new to me, i feel lighter, happier and more free than i have more a long time. Queenstown is a place i both love and loath. The town is situated in the most beautiful location i have ever lived, i am amongst such a great group of people and the opportunities here are immense. But at the same time, the town is not real NZ, it has no real culture that i have found and is almost entirely made up of transients. I too am one of these, but feel it is time to head out again, get back to NZ and see, feel, touch, hear and taste the part of the world i came here to find...

mistakes

our mistakes do not define us now, they show us who we are not...

Learing how to Breathe...

So money is harder to make, or keep, i'm not sure yet, in Queenstown. Most jobs are minimum wage as there is a queue of people behind you waiting to take your job at the first chance so they needn't entice you in with the promise of high wages. With this, living costs are through the roof, a beer costs you nearly an hour's wage, and when you have to get your van fixed, a whole months pay cheque can be eaten up in one day! So this is where i am at, van is in the shop today for a bit of welding and then i can get it back road legal and be out exploring on my days off. I've been trapped by money, knee and lack of transport recently but things are finally looking to shape up with summer approaching. Knee is healing, van is nearly fixed, and work will be picking up as more people come through the town to visit. I've also been in a bit of a loose head space as it now over a year since i was home but i had a read through one of my books the other day and this helped to put things back into perspective, to see the true beauty in life and living for the moment, each one as precious as the last.

I have also re-found breathing, something that i lost in the pace of life over winter. I know that sounds funny but true, deep, pure breathing. Most situations can be easily sorted by just pausing and taking a deep, slow and deliberate breath, stresses melt away and perspective is re-achieved.
If you can change the outcome of it, you don't need to worry, and if you cannot change to the outcome, worrying will achieve nothing, instead just accept and move with it, don't let it consume you....

True NZ...

So i moved from Wanaka to Queenstown for a new job, and although i had visited Queenstown a few times before i moved here, it certainly has a funny feel to it now i live here. It is incredibly transient and people move through all the time. It doesn't have a personal or cultural feel to it, and last night, i went for a few beers with some friends and getting to one of the bars downtown, a guy was screaming at the bouncer having been thrown out for being too drunk. It made me lose a bit of faith in humanity again. Do i really want to be here and surround myself with this kind of lifestyle and negativity? Currently, i need to make some money so i can get my van back up and running as it has run out of road tax and registration, so once that is sweet i will be keeping myself out of town as much as possible, finding more well rounded people to have around me, those that will expel positivity and good feelings, those who appreciate the beauty in this country, those who want to share in the experiences of NZ, true NZ...

Season Close...

So it has come to that time where my winter season in NZ has wrapped up, the mountains are closed, the job is finished and it is now time to see what the next adventure will be. Wanaka has been the most incredible home to have found on the other side of the world, it has had both amazing ups, and incredible downs, it has shown me the person i can be, and the person i am not. I have made choices here, both good and bad, but overall i have seen what i can be, and who i am and what it takes to keep me going. It's not about who has the most money, it's not about the best job, it's about who's having the most fun, and making the most of this life we live in.

You've got one life, live it...

Why do we fall...?

So i have been seeing my physio since i wrecked my knee out and things have gone from good, to better, to awesome! My knee is getting stronger each day, exercises are getting easier to do, pain is less and Louise said to me the other day that she actually wanted me to go snowboarding... YES!!!
I was due to do just one run on the beginner slope to see how it faired, and by the time i had got down i was already back on the lift ready for another bash! The second run went well, found a little powder pocket to skim across and it felt incredible, like floating on pure magic. Since then i have been out on my lunch breaks riding and building my knee up, getting it stronger, and learning how to shield it in my ride style to not put any adverse pressure on it. The feeling of working hard at something, getting back to a point you were at previously until it was taken from you, gives such a sense of achievement. The rehabilitation process has been relatively short for me compared to some folks who take themselves out in all walks of life, but however it is done, to whomever, it takes something to get back on it and work hard to achieve your goals. I guess i really feel that this has taught me about that process of getting back on it, that taking these hits and set backs is part of the process. If you don't have it taken away from you, you can never appreciate the feeling of getting it back, and that feeling is priceless...

"Why do we fall...?

....So we can learn to pick ourselves back up"

I would give my left leg for that...

So my initial blase attitude to my knee being just a bit sore and bruised really stepped up a gear this week. I had my first session with my physio on Tuesday night and here i am sitting downtown on Saturday with a flight to Christchurch booked for tomorrow and an MRI scan and an appointment with an Orthopedic surgeon scheduled for Monday morning. All has escalated very quickly...

At the minute, it looks like i may have done both my ACL and PCL ligaments and torn a section of my quad from off my knee, with a compression fracture to boot! All of this from one snowboard fall, it wasn't even a particularly spectacular crash, just had the board wash out from under my me on some ice whilst riding one of the steepish runs at Cardrona. In all honesty i feel real sheepish about causing all this fuss but i have to be honest with myself and admit that it hasn't got any better since i did it, i still can barely walk, and even if it costs an arm and a leg to pay all these bills, i really don't want it to literally cost me a leg.
Having been at work today with it all day today, one of the girls in the ticket office said that she didn't really fancy going out skiing today cos the weather was a bit naff, i now know the true meaning to saying to someone:

"I'd give my left leg for that..."

I guess this has shown me not to take my mobility for granted, there are so many people out there who would kill for the opportunity to hurt themselves snowboarding, because it is something they cannot access, either physically, financially, or geographically. The saying of you don't know what you've got 'till it's gone is really quite apt, i lost my chance to snowboard, but i've also lost the ability to walk, drive, sleep comfortably and be self reliant. But i know that with the help of the doctors and my physio, i can have another shot at chances for those things again, whilst others have to contend with the eternal knowledge that they cannot. From this i have learned about gratitude, i have learned about accepting help, and i have learned about how quickly basic rights can be taken from you. At least mine will be a temporary situation, but certainly one that has shown me a lot about the world around us...