True NZ...

So i moved from Wanaka to Queenstown for a new job, and although i had visited Queenstown a few times before i moved here, it certainly has a funny feel to it now i live here. It is incredibly transient and people move through all the time. It doesn't have a personal or cultural feel to it, and last night, i went for a few beers with some friends and getting to one of the bars downtown, a guy was screaming at the bouncer having been thrown out for being too drunk. It made me lose a bit of faith in humanity again. Do i really want to be here and surround myself with this kind of lifestyle and negativity? Currently, i need to make some money so i can get my van back up and running as it has run out of road tax and registration, so once that is sweet i will be keeping myself out of town as much as possible, finding more well rounded people to have around me, those that will expel positivity and good feelings, those who appreciate the beauty in this country, those who want to share in the experiences of NZ, true NZ...

Season Close...

So it has come to that time where my winter season in NZ has wrapped up, the mountains are closed, the job is finished and it is now time to see what the next adventure will be. Wanaka has been the most incredible home to have found on the other side of the world, it has had both amazing ups, and incredible downs, it has shown me the person i can be, and the person i am not. I have made choices here, both good and bad, but overall i have seen what i can be, and who i am and what it takes to keep me going. It's not about who has the most money, it's not about the best job, it's about who's having the most fun, and making the most of this life we live in.

You've got one life, live it...

Why do we fall...?

So i have been seeing my physio since i wrecked my knee out and things have gone from good, to better, to awesome! My knee is getting stronger each day, exercises are getting easier to do, pain is less and Louise said to me the other day that she actually wanted me to go snowboarding... YES!!!
I was due to do just one run on the beginner slope to see how it faired, and by the time i had got down i was already back on the lift ready for another bash! The second run went well, found a little powder pocket to skim across and it felt incredible, like floating on pure magic. Since then i have been out on my lunch breaks riding and building my knee up, getting it stronger, and learning how to shield it in my ride style to not put any adverse pressure on it. The feeling of working hard at something, getting back to a point you were at previously until it was taken from you, gives such a sense of achievement. The rehabilitation process has been relatively short for me compared to some folks who take themselves out in all walks of life, but however it is done, to whomever, it takes something to get back on it and work hard to achieve your goals. I guess i really feel that this has taught me about that process of getting back on it, that taking these hits and set backs is part of the process. If you don't have it taken away from you, you can never appreciate the feeling of getting it back, and that feeling is priceless...

"Why do we fall...?

....So we can learn to pick ourselves back up"

I would give my left leg for that...

So my initial blase attitude to my knee being just a bit sore and bruised really stepped up a gear this week. I had my first session with my physio on Tuesday night and here i am sitting downtown on Saturday with a flight to Christchurch booked for tomorrow and an MRI scan and an appointment with an Orthopedic surgeon scheduled for Monday morning. All has escalated very quickly...

At the minute, it looks like i may have done both my ACL and PCL ligaments and torn a section of my quad from off my knee, with a compression fracture to boot! All of this from one snowboard fall, it wasn't even a particularly spectacular crash, just had the board wash out from under my me on some ice whilst riding one of the steepish runs at Cardrona. In all honesty i feel real sheepish about causing all this fuss but i have to be honest with myself and admit that it hasn't got any better since i did it, i still can barely walk, and even if it costs an arm and a leg to pay all these bills, i really don't want it to literally cost me a leg.
Having been at work today with it all day today, one of the girls in the ticket office said that she didn't really fancy going out skiing today cos the weather was a bit naff, i now know the true meaning to saying to someone:

"I'd give my left leg for that..."

I guess this has shown me not to take my mobility for granted, there are so many people out there who would kill for the opportunity to hurt themselves snowboarding, because it is something they cannot access, either physically, financially, or geographically. The saying of you don't know what you've got 'till it's gone is really quite apt, i lost my chance to snowboard, but i've also lost the ability to walk, drive, sleep comfortably and be self reliant. But i know that with the help of the doctors and my physio, i can have another shot at chances for those things again, whilst others have to contend with the eternal knowledge that they cannot. From this i have learned about gratitude, i have learned about accepting help, and i have learned about how quickly basic rights can be taken from you. At least mine will be a temporary situation, but certainly one that has shown me a lot about the world around us...

Wanaka in the winter time...

So sitting in Wanaka a week after i took a bail on my snowboard with my knee wrapped up in a Forest Gump style brace, my crutches are leaning dejectedly against the internet cafe window. They seem to be longingly looking up towards the mountains where the powder has been dumped and the lines are there for the taking...
It all began so well, with last weekend being the first worthy dump of the season, it really seemed like we were finally off and the weather was going to keep bringing in the fresh stuff like we all hoped. 4 hours later it was all over, sitting in Ski Patrol base with a cast being put on my leg and a referral for x rays in my hand. Alas as yet, the results are still not back so i don't really know whats going on, except that i cannot ski or ride at the minute. Although i came to NZ for the winter season, i still have a huge amount to take away from here, and today, sitting down in the valley i have time to recall and understand that. The last few weeks i have spent every minute either on the hill for work, or on it for play. I've banked more ride hours so far that some get in an entire season, and I'm still positive to be back out before the season wraps up. With 6weeks to go, i might be out for a while, but hopefully not all. At a time where i thought it would be hard to cope with being so restricted, it has helped to look back through my blog and see where i have come from and where i may go to. This is merely another experience on my journey that i can either mope about and feel sorry for myself over, or something that i can look through, see the positives and relish the fact that i am alive and living, working and breathing in a NZ winter, exactly where i asked to be 18months ago when i decided to go.

Life will flick you these funny turns, but we can get through it, we always do...

Worry...

Worry is something that seems to rule parts of life. But whats is it and how useful is it??

Worry is merely a internal metal projection of what you think may happen in the future. You don't know what will happen, and in most instances there is little control over the future. In life i now believe there to be two things; situations that you have control over, and those that you do not. If you can change the outcome of an event, then you do not need to worry, and if you cannot change to outcome, then worrying will not change anything.
Baz Luhrman put it very well when he said "Worrying is as effective as trying to solve and algebra equation by chewing bubblegum". That really is how simple it is, worry is an anticipated projection that will cause you to miss out on where you are right here and now. You are always living in the moment, you are never in the future, and even if you do get to a point you saw in your future projection, it will still be the now, so by living in the now, you can remove worry, remove negativity and just be so happy to see life in all it's glory.
Live in the now and appreciate life around you. Next time you see a beautiful object, don't just say "look at that beautiful flower/sunset/mountain" as a mechanical reaction to societies condition, really feel the beauty and let it wash over you. It brings about peace and tranquility, something that seemed to be missing from my life before NZ where i was living in the future, always worrying about work, houseing, money, what i was going to do next week instead of merely seeing where i was and how great a place that is.

Travelling does broaden your horizons, but you don't need to head off round the world to see just how amazing the place you are at is. Home is where the heart is so love you home and you will see it in such an incredible way...

Life in Wanaka...

So i have been in Wanaka for a few months now and it is still just as much fun as it was when i arrived. I've met some incredible people, had some amazing jobs, and have learnt so much about life and how i can cope. I've had run ins with all sorts, both good and bad, but i have rocked out on the other side of each situation a better person, with more knowledge, more experience, more life lived and more passion for the next step. NZ has hit me so hard in terms of showing me what a different life is out there compared to how i was living back in the UK. Here is much more relaxed, much more subtle, much more intimate. My town has 6000 inhabitants and there is such a sense of community here. everyone is looking out for everyone, people stop and talk to you in the street, each stranger here is merely a friend waiting to happen, it blows me away each day i wake up and find what i am looking for.

New Zealand has trully become everything i hoped for, but nothing like i expected. I will always come back here, it feels as much a home to me as St.Albans, and Stoke does. Tomorrow i get my new tattoo to capture the essence of my time in New Zealand, my experiences, my memories, my ups and downs, and my journey.

I remember seeing a quote when i was younger on a climbing poster that read

"Success is a journey, not a destination"

That quote seems to fit what i have found, where i have come from and where i may go to but i don't think 'success' is what i am after. To me, success is happiness, health, love and freedom. They are our basic human rights and they are so achievable to all of us if we want it, you just have to open yourself to finding it and it will flood in....